WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize