Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize