Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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