Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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