that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize