did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
