Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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