HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
