i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
