something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize