i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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