i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
