Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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