Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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