i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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