Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
