Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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