Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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