i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
