I'm drive I can fine osifer
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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