she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize