your parents love me but you hate me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
