one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
