I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
