whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
