We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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