he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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