dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize