Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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