You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
