You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize