Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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