we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
