Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
