I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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