Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
