last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
as a side note pls kill me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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