i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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