I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
how does that bad decision feel?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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