life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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