Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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