well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize