I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize