last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
