just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
