I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
