I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Buhtt sex?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
