I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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