He kissed a someone with a penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I did not marry a roomba.
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