I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
