I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
