I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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