just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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