K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize