i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
