Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
