who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
