His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
