the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize