he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
