she takes plan B like it's going out of style
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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