We won't sleep together?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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