im six kinds of drunk right now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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