we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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